Double Knots

Three hours of spending was enough. Petra needed a break. Rather than sinking into the couch to enter a fantasy land, full of tan skin and incessant fist-pumping, she decided to go on a run.

Petra's running shoes were wedged in between her clogs and slide-on sandals. She wiped the dust off of the laces, reminiscing on her days in high-school when she ran track. While the sneakers were the only thing in Petra's closet that were outdated, they reminded her of a happier life. Despite the fact that her upbringing wasn't the purest, running evoked a sense of self that Petra needed.

Each shoe was tied the same way: two knots per shoe, one done at a time. Petra stretched her calf muscles, flexing each shoe into the wall. The pressure felt like home. 

Petra quickly made it out of her building and started to run. Her legs felt like jello. Her knees were shaking, but after rounding the corner, her pace got smoother. She felt at ease in her running shoes. Petra didn't realize how much she missed the hard pavement hitting her feet.

Her mind stopped moving. Her feet splashed through a puddle. The fluidity of running gave her a new sense of direction. Finally, she regained the confidence she had before the fire. Maybe I'll open my own clothing store, Petra thought to herself. She still had money left over from the manilla envelope.

After an hour past, Petra began to head home. Something caught her eye. The stare. She saw the bearded man across the street reading today's newspaper. What struck Petra wasn't the man, but the newspaper its self. She could make out the words "DETECTIVE DEAD: RULED HOMICIDE" from across the street.

The image of death brought back thoughts of the smoke. The burning flames. Petra stood still. She accepted the past, but moved forward. As she looked up, the man was once again staring at Petra. She didn't fumble or trip this time. Instead, she waved. She nodded hello to the man as a huge grin spread across her face.

She looked down at her shoes, took one final glance at the paper, and ran home.

Lost Change

The birds woke Petra up. The incessant chirping and knocking on her windows gave her headache. On top of this, she had a nightmare about New York at three in the morning. She needed to clear her head.

Petra loosened her grip on the sheets, slowly, leaving little crinkles at the top. She rolled over until her feet touched the ground. It was barely seven and rays of light creeped through her windows, leaving streaks of light on her floor.

She needed breakfast. The coffee maker hummed as tiny drips inched out, plopping into the pot. She downed two mugs, burning her tongue with each sip. She dealt with the pain. The idea of leaving her home and moving to New York gave her knots in her stomach.

As much as she loved the idea of moving, her common sense thought other wise. Petra took the nightmare as a sign to leave her suitcases in the closet. She needed to be grounded. And yoga wasn't working.

Today was a day for online shopping. Petra slid into her favorite black jeans and loose fitting tanktop, grabbed the manilla envelope and headed out the door.

The coffee made her arms shake. She sped up her pace to the ATM machine around the corner. She carefully opened the envelope, watching for any bills that might fall to the pavement.

As the machine beeped, Petra inserted the bills one by one into the feed. With each greasy piece of paper, the tension she held in her shoulders went away. She wasn't quite sure what this tension was from, but it was gone.

A tall man with a thick brown beard behind her began to grumble. Petra ignored him, keeping her slow and steady rhythm of watching her bank account grow.

Petra grabbed her ATM card and nearly ran into the bearded man standing behind her. His eyes made her lose her footing, as she stumbled left down the gum-covered sidewalk. He kept is stare all the way down the block.

Now that her bank account was full, Petra could delve into a materialistic online world. As she unlocked her apartment door, her home felt more vibrant and unusually optimistic. It was time for Petra to begin anew, one dollar at a tame.

Green Ideas

Petra was happy to be home. She loved the smell of her own sheets. They were soft and warm, unlike the hospital's hard and stale offerings. This was the happiest Petra had been in over a week. After the mugging, Petra was depressed and heavy. She didn't want to move. This was the first time she felt independent and free.

After last night's thoughts about going to New York, Petra began to seriously consider it. She talked to Lucy Collins on her way out of the clinic, who was apparently being checked in by her mother. Lucy encouraged Petra to move forward with her plan.

Petra was unsure and afraid of the unknown. As much as she hated her life, she didn't know how to make a sudden change. Lucy told her that she should go with her instinct. If that meant going to New York, Petra should do it.

Petra began to rummage through her desk, throwing bills and magazines onto the floor. At the bottom of the pile she found it. A thick manilla envelope that she hadn't touched in years. The edges of the envelope were torn from wear and abandonment.

Petra slowly tore off the sticky seal that kept its contents enclosed. She reached her hand inside to find a thick wad. As she pulled it out dollar signs began to appear.

10's, 20's, and even 100's spewed out. This was an apology gift from Petra's mother years ago that Petra put off, in disgust of her mother's behavior when she was a child. But now, Petra needed the money. She frantically organized the bills by numerical value. It didn't take her long to determine the amount that now covered her floor.

$1,021. It was enough for Petra to take a train to New York and find temporary housing. The money gave her a bit of relief, knowing that she had financial security as a back-bone.

Petra began to pace around the room thinking of her next move. She wanted to leave tomorrow, but knew that wasn't possible with her current state of mind. She needed time to think. But, she could only wait so long.

New Beginnings

Someone left Petra's window open last night. She squinted as she saw the faint sight of sunlight peer through the curtains of her hospital room. She glanced over at the clock seeing the red, digitized 6:30 A.M. stare right back at her.

There wasn't a breeze moving through the cloudy air. It was silent. She didn't hear the sounds of sirens or footsteps as she had for the past four days that she has been cooped up in the hospital. The doctor told Petra yesterday that today was going to be her final day in the ER. She was relieved, but nervous about transitioning back into the world that once knocked her to her knees.

She didn't want to face the woman who mugged her or any threatening individual for that matter. She wanted a peaceful state of mind, free of bag-snatchers and homeless men.

She heard yet another interrupting knock on the door.

"Come in," Petra mumbled under the sheets.

"Hi Petra!" The voice of Clara Kate Holloway replied. 


Petra and Clara vaguely knew each other from town, but they were by no means close. Petra glanced up and faked a smile through her grogginess and accepted Clara's gift of daisies. 


"I thought you would enjoy these," Clara said.


"Thank you Clara. I am not trying to be rude, but do you mind if you leave. I am really tired and I haven't had much sleep over the past couple of days." Petra responded sharply.


"Oh, okay...Sure...Well if you are ever in the mood to talk, please give me a call. Goodbye Petra," Clara replied as she slowly backed out of the room.


Petra was confused as to why Clara came. Especially at 6:30 in the morning. All Petra wanted to do at this point was escape reality. Her life was in shambles and she didn't have any true support. Petra thought about taking a plane to New York City, her childhood dream. But, that idea was shot down, due to the fact that she now had medical bills to pay.


Petra grumbled to herself and began to doze off about one day moving to the city of lights, to escape her past once and for all. 

Heart Beat

The sheets were too stiff for Petra’s liking. As a matter of fact, she didn’t care for anything at the moment. The heart monitor beeping in her ear, every time she felt a thump in her chest, caused the machine to make even more noise. She glanced down at the IV in her arm, watching the clear fluids pump into her veins. The room was dull and lifeless.

There was a knock at the door. She could tell it was a woman, based on the bright pink heels that reflected under the door. A woman entered.

“Hi sweetie,” the woman said, chewing watermelon gum in Petra’s ear.

The heart-monitor began to beep faster and faster. Beep, beep, beep, beeepppp. Petra closed her eyes.

“Not today Momma,” Petra mumbled before her mind began to move away from reality...

Petra was six. She clenched her mothers hand, touching the fake nails her mother wore every day. In her other hand, she carried a shopping bag full of her possessions.

Her favorite floral print dress, mary-janes from Goodwill, and her teddy named Bear. A car pulled up next to her mother.

“Get in baby,” The man said as he opened the door for Momma.

Petra shuffled into the dark, smokey car behind her, holding her shopping bag to her chest, in case it broke.

“Did they kick you out again Vlada?” The man asked in a deep Russian accent.

“Yes. I can’t believe it! I was only a week late on rent!” Momma responded. “And Petra didn’t help either, because she would scream every night, making me fight for her to go to bed.”

“Sorry Momma,” Petra whispered with her head down.

“You should be,” Momma replied staring at Petra through the rear-view mirror...

Petra awoke to the sound of chomping and the scent of artificial watermelons. She knew her mother was still there, but pretended she was still asleep.

“I know you’re awake, Petra,” Momma said.

Petra did not respond. All she cared about were the clothes that were taken away from her just a few days ago. She didn’t want anything to do with her mom. It wasn’t right that the only reason her mother came to see her was because she was lying selflessly in a hospital bed.

“Well, since you aren’t talking. I, I know you can, the doctors said so. I, um, brought you some flowers. Call me when you’re ready to talk,” Momma said hesitantly as her heels clicked away from Petra.

“Good-bye Petra.” The door closed with a long click.

She didn’t have the energy to fight. Petra moved her thoughts away from Momma to her heart. Counting the beats the monitor made with each of her deep and full breaths. Her eye lids felt heavy as weights dragged them closed. With one final blink, the weights won, as the beeps began to get fainter and fainter with every breath she took.

Retail Therapy

The rays of sun beamed on to Petra’s face. They were fading with every step that she took. Petra clutched her sweater around her thin arms, awaiting the return of Spring. She lost all of her clothing in the fire, so today was a much needed shopping spree, especially for a new jacket.

Her heels clicked on the pavement as she spotted the local strip club in the distance. It’s heavy black doors and neon lights never attracted Petra. Up close, it looked even less appealing and dark. She held her shopping bags close to her, thinking about the items she bought, distracting her from the ugliness of the booming music and neon lights from the strip club. Her new black ballet flats, pea coat, jeans, dresses, and shorts brought her to a safe place in her mind.

Ever since the fire, Petra’s demeanor changed. She kept her head down and hunched over more than she ever had before. Before, she could escape in her clothes, now she can’t escape the devastating memories of them. But, treating herself to new clothes today was just what Petra needed. Petra’s pace began to slow down as she watched the sun set behind Castle Apartments.

Petra never noticed the magnitude of the Apartment building, but standing near it, amazed her. As she stared up at the cement structure, she felt someone tap her shoulder. She turned around to face a large, brunette female, almost 6 feet 4 inches tall. She looked angry. Petra had no idea who this woman was.

But, before Petra could get a word in, the mysterious woman grabbed her shopping bags and purse, throwing Petra to the pavement. Petra heard an ear-splitting thump as she hit the ground. Then she heard nothing.

Ashes

The snow began to fall. It was heavy, coming down in sheets. Petra could barely see the red lights coming from the fire trucks at Forever 21. She slowly sipped on a bowl of soup at Isabella's cafe, unable to concentrate on the burning sensation on her tongue. All of her energy was focused on the life she had. The clothes she folded. Her employees. Petra didn't know what to do next. Her brain was running at a mile a minute.


It was getting dark outside, and Petra knew that she had to check on the now burnt down Forever 21. Petra took one last sip of her soup, put on her jacket and opened the door to the sheets of snow. People on the streets seemed happy. It was the holidays, but Petra wasn't feeling the holiday spirit. Next to the door, the blind man was dressed as a salvation army volunteer. He was shouting quotes from movies as people placed money in his bucket.


"Well in my book, my father died a much richer man than you'll ever be!" He screamed to a man who placed a crumbled dollar bill in the bucket. 


Petra was not in the mood for people like this. She walked as fast as she could to the store. When she arrived a fire man greeted her.


"Ma'am, I am very sorry for your loss. But you are very lucky to be alive," He said with an emotionless glare.


"Thank you. Would you mind if I had a look around?" Petra replied, pointing towards the black smoke rising from the building.


"Go ahead, but be careful of any debris that fell," He warned Petra.


Petra slowly walked to the front of the store, which now consisted of broken windows and black ashes. She stepped over the window ledge and entered the building. Everything was covered in dust. But, you could still tell that it was a clothing store, from the glossy photographs of models that hung from the walls. 


Petra was in shock. She didn't know what to do with her life now. She began to pick up pace as she made her way to the second level. As she climbed the broken escalator, something made her fall. She blacked out.... 


"Can you hear me? Petra, can you hear me?" A woman in scrubs was holding her head. 


Petra was confused. The last thing she remembered was climbing the escalator. She began to panic. Petra screamed, and then she said nothing.